ZEN101

Fly Fishing 101 – The Non-Zen Version

Although I consider myself as just another guy who likes to fly fish, some other people describe me as a Fly Fishing nut.
Others say just plain nuts, but who needs them?   I think I am regular guy fly fisherman who can offer a perspective on the
sport not generally found in the conventional literature. My perspective may be helpful to folks new to the sport, or others
contemplating trying it out.   I am not a salesman or a cheerleader for anyone or anything, and I don’t care much if the pros
or big name guys agree with me about this, that or anything else. I’m not trying to be argumentative; I prefer to think of
myself as grumpily independent in a charming sort of way. In any case, I don’t owe anyone anything, so I get to tell it as I see
it.

I have been fly fishing for a long time. I used fly rods and reels for years before I got serious about the sport, and then went
through a period when I was way too serious about it. I remain on the fanatical side but much saner than a year ago. I will
now use a spinning rig, and occasionally put a worm on a hook and fish with a bobber, just for fun. I don’t subscribe to the
practice of adapting fly fishing tackle to every species from shark to carp. Some things make sense and some things are just
weird. I think a lot of that frenzy is actually focused on expanding the market place and selling more stuff. I do have
relatively rigid opinions about fly angling, and although history suggests wet flies tied to a stick may be the origin of the sport;
I maintain real fly-fishing is traditional angling for trout and dry fly fishing is the most fun. If a person is a good fly fisherman,
they have paid their dues earning a place at the head table for the fisherman’s food fight. That’s my opinion, and I
understand not everyone share’s my opinion. I am not recruiting converts and really don’t care if anyone agrees or likes it.
Dry fly fishing for trout is the ultimate use for a fly rod, and so far as I am concerned, remains the best reason to learn to use
one.

The tradition, the etiquette, the cerebral effort, patience, and knowledge required to be an adequate fly fisherman are what
makes fly fishing a step up from jigging for carp. A high level of effort and dedication to the sport is required to be a good fly
fisherman. In order to be an expert you must have written a book, be featured in a how-to video, and/or have a line of
clothing named after you. Fly-fishing can be an esoteric adventure and the delight in finding other who can discuss it
knowledgeably is profound. But, fundamentally, it remains an individual activity. You will have to learn the skills and acquire
the knowledge to do it well. If you are not willing to learn the rules, practice the etiquette, and acquire the skills and
knowledge needed to be proficient and considerate, then don’t start. A little bit of ignorance or foolishness on the river
quickly translates into an inconsiderate slob, and there are enough of them out there now. Stay home, go golfing, study
hockey, or pick a fight with your kid’s softball coach. We don’t need you on the river. That may seem arrogant, but I am just
saying what the others are thinking and the truth is the truth.
HINT#1: If you don’t want to do it right then stay home.

Expectation manufacturing being what it is; many new fly-fishing guys are poorly prepared for the experience. People come
to this sport with a romanticized vision derived from reading books about the serenity of fly-fishing, seeing “the movie”, or
listening to their wives after the wives have seen “the movie”. “Get out of the house honey and enjoy nature – this is a
relaxing sport – not like that nasty golf”! “I bought you this fly fishing rig for your birthday, our anniversary, Christmas,
etc…..” Or worse yet getting the low down from a sporting goods dealer or fly shop owner. Depending on these guys for an
objective description of fly-fishing is like junior high school kids getting career counseling from junkies.

After a does of “the hype” you will believe that fly-fishing can vanquish evil and cure warts. But all too often it is really about
separating the fool from his/her money. I have seen people who have never fished, let alone fly cast, walk out of fly shops
with thousands of dollars worth of gear. The only thing higher than their credit cards balances was their expectations of what
fly-fishing is about. The backing comes free with the first rod and reel combo – but after that you pay for everything. No
discounts – bring me customers slave! Sure those $50.00 waders might work, but these $350.00 Kevlar’s are bullet proof,
have built in bear repellent, and a fold out pocket tray for your cell phone and lap-top. And – the battery pack compartment
is totally water resistant.

Getting back to the point. I hate to be the one to break the news – but there is nothing mystical, or supernatural about fly-
fishing. It can be relaxing, but it can also be strenuous. It may be addictive – but so are gambling, drugs, and alcohol. Fly-
fishing is generally considered a better pastime than gambling and drugs, and only slightly more expensive. However,
alcohol does dovetail in nicely at times, and let’s not leave out cigars. If you really want to relax, get a second mortgage, buy
a walleye boat and sit down with a smoke and a beer and wait for the fish. Or get a big screen TV and some PBS DVDs.

Fly-fishing is a hunt using strategy and tactics generally proving you are not as smart as a fish. You get into the water and
track them down door-to-door in their neighborhood. And, in spite of all the magazines, books, TV shows, and the movies;
the truth is their neighborhood can be a fish less, uncomfortable, and even scary place. Let yourself get chest deep in a fast
river with a clay bottom and you will understand the scary part better.

However, having said all that, if you really want to fly fish, you can shift the odds in your favorably by getting quality
instruction early on, hopefully before you max your credit card on gear. Good instruction will build confidence, take some of
the technical mystery out of the process, and help you decide if this is really for you. Look on the Internet for fly-fishing
schools. Many fly shops offer day long seminars covering casting, equipment, bugs, safety, and general information. Many
guides also do instructional trips. Here’s where a good guide or fly shop owner/instructor can be your friend. HINT#2: Get
good quality instruction early on.

After reading some of the sappy literature about fly-fishing you might think all your fishing will be in a pristine Maine,
Michigan, or Montana trout stream you have hiked into (without getting tired or sweaty) after thrilling water landing in the
infamous Capt. Lance’s legendary Beaver float plane.   You are attired in your spotless and trendy big name fly-fishing hat,
technical fly fishing shirt, polypropylene wader pants, bullet proof Kevlar waders, action wading boots with interchangeable
soles to match every wading condition, sun screen gloves, fully equipped and stocked vest, designer sun block, instamatic
Polaroid see through the water and under the logs sunglasses, fully integrated and balanced rod and reel with extra greasy
line, and a pocket full of flies cranked out 25 an hour by an arthritic 70 year old Sri Lankan wage slave. And that could be
your fly-fishing experience if you are Bill Gates or Ted turner, or similarly funded. Alas - reality will often be another story.

Getting back to Non-Zen fly-fishing. While you are in a serenely transcendental state induced by the grandeur of the locale
and the pure ecstasy of the fly-fishing experience, a Native American skipping arm in arm with Nick Adams, carrying a tray of
watercress sandwiches and tea will rise from the riverbed to share the more profound secrets of life with you, and possibly
throw in some info on how to overcome middle age crisis.

You will firmly believe you are the only one in the universe who possesses this knowledge, and consider yourself obligated to
babble about it at every opportunity. Your family, friends, co-workers, and people at the hardware will begin to avoid you like
a diarrhea plagued howler monkey at a chili cook-off. The guy at the fly-fishing store will “be out” more often, unless he has
some new gimmick to improve your angling, and his bottom line. Your wife will quietly throw “the movie” out. HINT#3: Real
fly-fishermen don’t babble.

Your newly found wisdom will be heavily dosed with platitudes about the grace and beauty of the outdoors, the fish, the flies,
the trees, the dirt, the logs down in the stream you are tripping over, the sweat running down your back, the stained toilet
tissue just off the path, and the black flies eating your lunch from the outside in. Sorry – slipped back into reality for a
moment. However, if you keep at it you may finally come to realize the important thing is to be out there where it can happen
– even if you don’t catch a lot of fish. At that point you have broken the code between fishing and catching, and just might
make it.

The pristine stream fantasy is easily shattered by a trip to fish steelhead out of lake Erie, lake run browns from lake Ontario,
or the PM during the salmon run. These places are more like a drunken tent meeting or an Iraq National Guard reunion than
a transcendental experience of peace, love, and fly-fishing. Beer cans, pop bottles, and Doritos wrappers knee deep to a
short giraffe cover the landscape. Toothless cretins camped out with wives, kids, girlfriends, and coon dogs are protecting
favorite fishing holes in shifts. It is party time in the parking areas, and open season on the esthetic experience of fly-
fishing. Animal sacrifices will no longer shock you. I once saw a band of goons breaking up rip-rap and throwing the rock
into the river to herd salmon to their moron friends. This was a famous big name river and sadly, that is what those people
call sport. Can anyone really want a fish that bad?

After one of those adventures an hour or two alone on a river is living the dream. I was on the same river, in almost the
same spot the following spring and did live the fantasy. Two of us went down to the river on a weekday, split up, and fished
by ourselves for several hours in a light rain. We caught some nice browns, and had a good day dragging our butts in and
out of the holes, over the snags, and around all the other river crap. Well worth the time. You just don’t know when the
good days will come, and they have to be appreciated. HINT#4: Remember the good days – they will bring you back.

As a rule the more talked about, publicized, and famous a place is the better your chance of combat fishing in a mob. The
old timers consider it a sin to blab about good fishing spots. I tend to agree with them. So if you know any good spots not
on the circuit – tell me and then put a sock in it. HINT#5: Good spots are hard to find – well-known spots are
probably going to be crowded and overrated.

Using a fly rod is a physical skill like swinging a golf club, or being fast with a screw gun. Becoming a fly fisherman is
something more. The fact is it takes a special sort of folk to be a fly fisherman. Like many activities fly-fishing is not for
everyone. Some of us, or more to the point you, thrive in the highly socialized environment of golf, adult league bowling, or
softball. They (you) should stick with those pastimes. Others (me) would rather use the ball cleaner (golf or bowling) for
personal hygiene rather than engage in those group gropes.

Notwithstanding the associations, clubs, and organizations (asscos) that have become part of the sport, fly-fishing needs to
be an individual activity to be done right and truly enjoyed. However, fly-fishing asscos do have some benefits. This creates
a logical dichotomy I will try to clear up. Most fly fishermen are loners and avoid company on the river the way a Frenchman
avoids soap and water. They will walk several miles for the privilege of fishing by themselves. Asscos, however, are
generally inhabited by joiners. Frequently, they are the worst kind of joiners, those who actually want to do something. Let
me explain – I belong to several organizations because I think they may do some good, but rarely, OK never, attend
meetings. I suspect many of us are like that – but will never know because I won’t go to the meetings. If everyone who is a
TU member went to the meetings – nothing would or could get done. Finding a BS proof room big enough for the meeting
would become the major agenda item. It’s like politics – duck and hope they don’t get too efficient.

Ok, back to the joiners, they had to have something to do after the audiovisual club, so a certain amount of them gravitated
to outdoorsy pursuits. Pursuits such as back packing, sporting clays, Happy Harvey Camping Clubs, Slip Stream rodeos,
professional BMX riders, dirt bikers, mountains bikers, and all too often fly-fishing.

However, there are some salutary characteristics. They are only too glad to tie 200 dozen flies over the winter and share
them copiously. They will talk endlessly about every spot they have ever caught fish and give you detailed instructions down
to the time of day and GPS coordinates. These guys are perfect companions when there is a fund raiser to be held, a
stream to be cleaned, or structure to be built. Also they provide a good audience for the rare times when you feel like talking
about the big one that got away. This is something of a long shot, as these guys tend to run their mouths non-stop and
rarely go into the listen mode. Regardless, the pure satisfaction of the tall tale (lie) cannot be matched this side of a healthy
dump. Some cynical wives think this is the real reason we practice catch and release and fish alone. Also, joiners can be
depended upon to buy beer as long as you will keep one eye open and nod occasionally.

By contrast - true fly-fishing persons are grumpy reclusive loners that resent every other person on the river and think two,
not three, are a crowd. True fly-fishermen look old and careworn. They have the 1000 cast stare from blind fishing for trout
for no other reason than the river is there and so are they. Their casting arm always has a faint hint of Ben-Gay. Real fly-
fishermen will drive for 2 days across 4 states to fish for 6 hours and land 5 trout which are returned to the water; then drive
2 days to get home, and call it a good trip.   Real fly-fishermen will fish dry flies because it is best to catch a few fish on a dry
fly. You try everything in the box and still no fish, but you don’t leave. Sooner or later (sometimes) you get into fish and it
becomes worth it. Stumbling over boulders the sizes of VWs, sinking in marl up to your hips, getting high centered on
submerged tree branches, falling on your ass in ice water, and sweating pints in the summer. Anyone who can spend time
doing this and not turn into a grumpy, grizzled, loner should buy a robe and move into a church.

I am not sure many people actually appreciate what a mess a river can be. This is something you have to learn up close and
personal.   Looking at one from a bridge or even a boat cannot convey the essence of “how the hell do I get through this?”
Or the even more important “how the hell do I get out of here”? Two very important questions you will be asking yourself
from time to time. Particularly if you are short and stout, as I am.

Part of becoming an old fly fisherman is the acquisition of knowledge and exercise of common sense. Both of which can be
summed in the simple statements: “I ain't going there”, or the ever wise “if you can’t see bottom – don’t go there”. Fast water
and loose waders can be an interesting combination. The waders will bunch up around your knees and billow out like the
sails on a North Korean Destroyer and off you go. Off your feet and on your ass in ice water, heading downstream. The
fantasy lives on. This could be one of the few times it may be helpful to have some one around. They can at least try to
catch some of your stuff that floats. A hat, a fly box, nothing expensive floats, of course. The expensive stuff will wash away
or you will have to dive for it. At any rate your day is pretty much over until you can get back on your feet and find another
rod and reel. HINT#6: Real Fly Fishermen don’t quit. If you have any questions about this quitting thing, come on in and
give it a try. Give me a call when you have had enough – I might like to buy some of the high dollar necessities you got from
the fly shop guys. Of course the stuff is used now and not really worth very much.   You can keep the electric knot tier, and
the GPS enabled strike indicators.

Just a couple of thoughts on equipment. Don’t get to dippy about the gizmos. At one time my vest looked like the big
Christmas display at Monkey Wards. I was an animated fly fishing catalog. I had every gimmick and gizmo available hanging
from it. When I fell down it sounded like a train wreck. Over time I figured out I don’t need a lot of the essentials (crap) I was
carrying around.
I know this for several reasons. 1. I never used the carp. 2. When I fished with guides, they didn’t use the crap and often
laughed at me for having it. 3. No one else used the crap. 4. No one ever tried to borrow or steal the crap. I now wear a
much lighter and more comfortable vest. HINT#7: Real fly fishermen don’t sink under the weight of their doodads.

For the stuff you do need, get the best you can afford, and take care of it. This will cut down the expense of upgrading later,
and good stuff generally wears well and with care will last a long time. Getting good stuff doesn’t have to mean paying top
dollar. Good quality rods and reels are usually available on the on-line auction sites from disgruntled, wet, quitters. Just do
some research to make sure you don’t end up in a bidding frenzy and pay more for a used rod and reel than it would have
cost new. Unless you are going after large fish like steelhead and salmon, the reel is just a place to store line. It does not
need to be expensive. However, for larger fish you are going to want a quality reel with plenty of backing capacity and a
good drag. This is worth studying up on.

Lines, leaders, and tippets: A rotten line is – well – rotten. Inferior leader and tippet material will break at exactly the wrong
time. This is a subject that takes experience and education. Since I don’t think I have enough of either for a meaningful
discussion, I can only recommend you do what I plan on doing and study up on it. HINT#8: Do KNOT buy into a TIP that
can LEAD you to a bad LINE.

Now there is a difference between rods. Like women, some feel good and are fun to play with. Others are not. Although I
am developing a taste for medium fast rods for dry flies, I would still say I like a very fast tip flex action. I find them to be more
responsive and accurate. Some time my presentation aren’t as smooth as I’d like and I set the fly down pretty hard, but that’
s the trade off in my case (More practice and less jabbering would probably help me). Rods and casting are pretty much
something you have to figure out on your own. Some things come as natural as picken yer nose – fly-casting isn’t one of
them. Relaxing and letting the rod do the work takes some practice. Some people use their backyards or go to the school to
have enough room to get the line out without getting tangled up in their satellite dish. You can figure out where to practice,
but without a doubt somebody will come up and ask if you are catching anything, and two boats will move in close to get into
the action. As far as rod selection goes you can get help from the fly shops – just keep one hand on your wallet.

Another thing about rods. Sometimes you (I) will run across some unique rod that I (you) have wanted for some time and just
can’t resist, and we end buying a store bought all put together rod. The fact is graphite rods are easy to put together.
Some people call it rod building, but I call it rod assembly. You make cane rods and assemble graphite rods. If you plan on
owning more than two or three rods, it might be worth looking into doing it yourself. I have assembled about a dozen rods for
friends, family, and myself. Unless you are all thumbs, it is really not that hard. You can build you own jigs, drying stands
and etc. I got a how to video, which was very helpful. Some kits come with the expendables or offer them as a low cost add-
on, and you can buy other things you may want fairly reasonably from many web sites. The cost delta for me was between
three and four rods. I use high quality (and dollar) blanks so the savings over buying rods from a dealer was generally
higher. If you are going to get into fly-fishing seriously and expect to have more than four quality rods, this is really worth
looking into. Plus you get to tell folks you built (OK- assembled) your own rod. That is the kind of one-ups-man-ship you just
cannot buy. HINT#9: You can build your own rods and have top quality equipment for less.

Rods have been made out of a lot of different material over the years. I have two that are aluminum, and both of them cast
like curtain rods. They are fun to look at though and only cost what they are worth, darned near nothing. There are steel
rods and rods made from other cane (not Tonkin bamboo) or wood sources. As far as fishing goes they are a gamble in my
mind. If you want something to hang on the wall in your cabin these are good candidates. Fiberglass rods can be very fish
able. Some are fun to cast, but can get heavy over a period of hours. The fiberglass rods I like best are slow rods with a
graceful action resembling old cane rods.   It takes a minute to transition to one, and it can be a really ugly process. The
good news about fiberglass is nobody seems to be collecting them and they are still relatively cheap when you can find
them. I got a wonder rod at a flea market for a few dollars. It was in the original tub and sack and looks like it had never
been fished. The cork was pristine and the reel seat had no marks on it at all. This is a great rod. I use it for bass fishing in
small lakes around Delton Michigan when I can get home. Works great and is fun to use.

HINT#10: Try Bamboo!!!! Fishing a good bamboo rod is an experience all fly fishermen should have. Like fiberglass rods,
bamboo is different from the graphite rods you are probably using now. Good cane rods with the right line are elegant and
fun to use. They just make you feel good.

It’s like the difference between driving my pickup trunk and a Bentley. Both will get you were you want to go, and the pickup
can do things you would never try with a limo, but the Bentley has a touch and feel of it’s own. Like Bentleys, good cane
rods are expensive. If you take the time to investigate how they are built, and the workmanship that goes into a good one,
the expense is understandable.

However, that appreciation doesn’t give you any more money to spend on a rod. So we look for bargains. Lower end or
blue collar-rods are relatively plentiful in antiques stores, and on the net. A price guide can help you understand the
approximate value of these opportunities. Many of the rods go back to the fifties or earlier. Some of them are ready to fish,
but most will need work.

Fixing cane rods, particularly blue-collar rods, can be problematic. The time and expense can quickly escalate well beyond
the value of the rod, and having someone do the work will certainly cross the economic delta very quickly.   However, if the
rod you are dealing with is one you really like, or has some sentimental value as a family relic, cost may not be your largest
concern.

A few years ago I got a cane rod with the idea of fixing it up to have a bamboo rod to fish with. Since then I have fixed
several can rods, and now have four that are in quite good shape and fish able. Restoring rods is another subject with a set
rules all its own.

I have come to realize there are some maladies these rods suffer that are best left alone if you are not an experienced rod
maker. Glue failures resulting in splitting of the sections (delaminating), and breaks are two perfect examples.

However, if you have the stuff to assemble graphite rods – you have most of the stuff you need to deal with some of the
common defects in these older cane rods. I recommend getting a book on the subject and reading it through at least once
before starting anything. Stuart Kirkfield and Michael Sinclair have both published excellent text for these projects.

Loose winding and missing guides, loose tops, cleaning up the finish, re-gluing rod seats, fixing handles, and missing or
defective ferrules are the most common problems I have seen. Winding repair and guide or tip top replacement isn’t that
difficult. The material is available from many sources over the Net, and the work will require some patience and care but it
not necessarily hard or complex. Cleaning up the finish can be more of an issue depending on how nice you need the
finished rod to look. Remember the important thing is to protect the rod from the elements. I use a deluxing compound and
furniture finish restorer to smooth out and clean up the finish on most of the rods I have, fixing bad chips or wear with a quick
fix varnish. How well this will work depends on how bad the finish is. I also have several rods sitting around waiting to be
stripped and dipped.   Again do research on the web and read books on cane rod building and restoration.

Fixing handles and real seats can be a pain in the seat. Some type of lathe is desirable for handle work that requires cork
replacement or repair. I have a small wood lathe. A 3 jaw chuck is desirable.   The head stock needs to be hollow and big
enough to load the rod back through it. Use caution and common sense here – it is easy to ruin a rod if you don’t think this
through and make sure everything is lined up and protected.

Be very care removing and resetting real seats – make sure the reel seat lines up with the guides in there original positions
when you put it all back together.

You generally cannot fix broken ferrules. Replacing ferrules has two significant problems. First: Getting them off without
screwing up the rod. Second: Getting the right size replacement. Removing and installing ferrules is covered on the web
and in the how to books and articles. It is a good idea to read them first so you don’t destroy an otherwise fixable rod. Use
some heat (carefully) and ferrule-pulling device. A piece of wood drilled to the OD size of the ferrule you are working with
and sawed through the center of the hole with a thin kerf can pull the ferrule without damage. Again this is covered in the
literature.

A lathe is helpful to station replacement ferrules – but it can be done by hand. Sizing becomes problematic. What I do is pull
the ferrules and send them to a guy in Denver who has gazillion old ferrules. Odds are he can match them up for me. When
I get them, I stick the replacement ferrules back on, do any winding work needed, and zap I am back in business.

The other choice is to buy new ferrules.   Again send the stuff in for comparison if you can, and hope you are good with a
micrometer if you cannot. You should be aware some modification to the cane may be required to get the new ferrules to fit.
Bottom line is you can end up with a decent cane rod to have fun with and amaze your friends and neighbors. More of that
one-ups-man-ship.

Robert Travers aka John Voelker has an essay in his book Trout Magic on Fly fishermen as snobs. I think he may have
been half joking, but only half joking. We seem to like what some folks may characterize as the elitist aspects of the sport.

If you want to use a cane rod read up on silk fly lines. Understanding the history and how these things were used is part of
the fun, and its good stuff to know, even if you don’t plan on using one.

Flies and Bugs: Some one has said, “Basketball is one game that cannot be played without a basketball”. Similarly you
cannot fly fish without flies. The sign says flies only and the quickest way to meet a Conservation Office is to do something
else.

Flies come in sizes, shapes, patterns, and varieties boggling the mind. If you are a serious about fly-fishing, you have to
learn something about flies. This also means you have to learn some thing about the bugs the flies are patterned after.
Unless you are really into bugs this can be a real yawner. More than once I have gotten a good night’s sleep by starting off
with a book about aquatic insects. Better than listening to NPR for getting a good snooze. However, the fact is, flies
represent the bait you use to coax the fish onto your hook. If you cannot manage the hook end of the line the rest become
irrelevant. Ergo: Flies and bugs are important to fly fishermen. I am not going to try and take the mystery out of flies and
bugs here. Get some books from the library and take you own nap.

Buying flies is like dealing with an Arab carpet merchant. It is an interesting process akin to a mating ritual. You are
presenting your fly fishing savvy in a dance with the fly shop guy to earn his respect and willingness to award you the
opportunity to buy “THE” fly that might just catch a fish and consummate the fishing experience (the merging of your hook to
the fishes lip). Fly boxes full of size 10 & 12 hoppers are mute testimony of the left footed fishermen who cannot do the
dance, and do not get to consummate the experience. Hoppers are the first answer of the fly shop clerks who cannot be
bothered. You go into the fly-shop and sidle up to the counter eager to get the lowdown on what the hot fly is, and before
you can ask, the counter bum says “get some hoppers size 10 & 12”. Then adds: “I think we got some 14s left that you
should buy too”. I call this premature hopping.

The Viagra for this situation is learning your bugs and how the read the river to find out what the fish may be eating. Look at
the water. See if anything is rising or floating. Use a seine to see what insects may be present. Some folks use a large
syringe to pump the fish’s stomach to see what it has been eating. I consider this a little extreme and it has to be hard on an
already stressed fish. Catch and release can easily turn into catch, release, and die if we get too obsessed with catching
rather than fishing.

I was in West Yellowstone a few years back and tore out my waders. After purchasing a new pair of Simms for about
$350.00, I asked what’s a good fly for Slough Creek? Without blinking an eye the answer was “get some hoppers”. No joy in
Mudville that day. I went to Slough Creek and caught some nice trout, but they came up to midges. At any rate I refuse to
fall for the hopper ploy any longer. Since I already have several boxes full of size 10 & 12 hoppers – I don’t have to. HINT#
11: Always look gift hoppers in the mouth.

Tying your own flies can be a good idea if you can observe the goofy rule and buy only the essential things you need to tie
the flies you need. There are men and women who tie flies that are beautiful. Literally works of art. They are truly skilled
and talented, and deserve recognition as artists and sports persons.

Fish on the other hand, even trout fish, are crude and ungrateful pagans. They just don’t care about art. This is good for
people who tie flies like I do. My flies are clearly not works of art, not even modern art. However, my flies will catch fish, so I
am happy with them. I mostly tie the simpler nymphs, dry flies, and bass bugs. Foam bodies are not that hard, and ants and
beetles can be easy. Think like a fish!! If it looks like food and is presented competently they will eat it, maybe.

The method I have settled on over the years is tie the simple stuff and buy the hard ones. You can save enough money to
make this pay if you tend to use a lot of flies studying trees, bushes, sticks and rocks, and don’t get goofy and buy every
color and size of every hook, hair, hackle, fur, and synthetic. Keep it simple and get a couple of good how-to books on
tying. Take a class – even if you have to travel. This will get you started and answer the beginner questions about tools,
vises, and material – and how to negotiate a third or forth mortgage to get all the really good tools, vises, and other stuff you
will want if you forget the goofy rule.

Using flies is the fun part. Learn how to manage leaders and tippets, and tie knots. Nothing is worse than loosing a fish and
a fly because your knot came loose.

HINT#12. Get high fish dry. I prefer to dry fly fish so I almost always start with a dry fly. I’m not advising anyone to do that,
but there have been several times when it worked for me, and if it defies conventional wisdom - So what! Hooking up a good
trout is a rush; putting a good trout on a dry fly is a triple rush, and there is always time to nymph, or drag streamers
around. If there are risers and you can see what they are eating and match the hatch; no problem, lay down a good
presentation and you will catch fish – according to theory anyways. If they are rising and you can’t figure out what they are
coming up to, there may be a variety of answers. I always figure they are trying to get me to throw the right dry fly, although
a wet fly may be a better answer.

I frequently use the big/small and light/dark method. I throw something small and dark and if it works I keep it on and catch
fish. In the event of the more likely scenario I change to a larger dark fly, and so on up to a size 12. If that doesn’t work, I do
the same thing with a light colored fly. My light/dark, big/small method is pretty random and I am sure it is not endorsed by
any fly-fishing academy, or taught at the schools. Sometimes it works for me, and I am just stubborn enough to keep doing
it. Try to use a pattern that looks like a lot of bugs. I tie these mostly by mistake, so I really do not have a name for it.   If it
has a long tail, cut the tail off and try again.

On some rivers this works ok, on others (the South Platte) you have to adopt a more scientific approach, and actually pay
attention to what the chalkboard at the fly shop says. If nothing else has worked I tie on a 14 or 12 Trude as my final go-to
dry fly. No reason other than it has worked from time to time and I am prone to not arguing with success. After all that, and
no fish, I will start to nymph. Nothing against nymphing I just like dry fly fishing better. Nymphing is an interesting method,
and it takes considerable skill to do it right.

Appearance is important: What does a real fly fisherman look like? The PC answer is fly fishermen can look like any of us
because an honorable sport like fly-fishing is, of course, a reflection of our society and culture as a whole. Therefore, on
any given river on any given day the demographics of the fly fishing population on that stretch of water will naturally contain
representatives from all races, religions, creeds, beliefs, and socio-economic segments of the population.

The truth is there are all kinds of people who fly fish, but I have filtered them down to two primary segments or groups.
Regular fly fishermen and catalog fly fishermen. The catalog group, which contains most of the PC types by the way, is
probably the image most people call to mind when they think of fly fishermen these days. Young, beautiful, complete set of
teeth, decked out in the latest gear and gizmos. Basically the folks you see on the cover of the magazines looking like Brad
Pit in SWAT gear. These guys have taken out a second mortgage to purchase their outfit. Everything is new, shiny, and
pristine. Not to say these folks aren’t nice, or don’t catch fish. They just lack character. Not humor – just character.

The odds are good that catalog fishermen who stick with it will become regular fly-fishermen. If nothing else the economics
will drive the shift sooner or later. Not many people can afford to stay new and shiny.

On the other hand regular fly fishermen are noticeably seedier, but they abound in character. If you accept the premise that
fly-fishing is a solo endeavor, then the fact that regular fly guys have character shouldn't’t be a surprise. Individuals stand
out. Individuals that can actually do something stand tall. Character in this case is the embodiment of the traits, skills, and
an aura that develop as a fudge-sucker (a quaint Upper Peninsula term that refers to anyone from below the bridge), or
catalog dude, matures into a regular fly fisherman. If there is a mystical quality to this sport, I think the concept of character
sums it up.

Regular fly fishermen literally have an aura of character that surrounds them as they walk along. Some people might say
that aura is actually a combination of a B-O impregnated vest, fish slime, blood, fly grease, cigar and campfire smoke, split
coffee, cheap liquor, and possibly brake fluid depending on the condition of their pickup truck. And in the case of the more
cavalier fly guys – cheap perfume.

Yes, a true fly fisherman will wear his vest when charming the ladies. However, etiquette dictates gentlemen remove their fly
drying patch before the wooing gets too serious. Common sense really, if you think about what could happen. Although –
with the current fashion trend towards body piercing and unconventional jewelry, a little carelessness could open a whole
new venue in personal expression. Regardless, the regular fly fisherman clearly maintains a different aura from the catalog
guys - Kirks Castile, versus English Leather.

I wear a beard because I am too lazy to shave daily, so I know nothing about the latest trendy after shaves, or anything else
trendy for that matter. There are common sense reasons for not working too hard to be extra clean and good smelling on
the river.
1. There are no wives or loose women around so why bother? (Although - I have heard tales about enterprising young
ladies setting up shop on the banks of highly productive rivers during the peak salmon and steelhead runs to offer the weary
fishermen a brief respite from the hunt. Not sure they were too concerned about cleanliness or odor though.)
2. If you are staying at a lodge you can shower when you come off the river, and be cool in the evening for drinks and
cigars.
3. If you are camping – who cares?
4. If you are fishing home waters – who cares?
5. Probably the best reasons to be a little funky or at least not perfumed up is bugs and bears.

Conventional wisdom and literature suggest bears are attached to a number of scents humans carry around. The oils,
scents, and perfumes in soaps, aftershave, and cologne included. Nobody in the woods or the river needs to smell that
good. Bears are fond of bacon, and anyone wandering around in bear country should know enough not to slather
themselves in bacon grease, so why give them the come on with cosmetics?

Bugs also like a little gravy with their dinner, and some of the same things that attract bears make for happy bugs. If you
haven’t learned this yet – you will. The use of 100% Castile soap with no perfumes, deodorants etc… is a good idea if you
must wash. I make it a point of taking at least 2 bars of Kirks Castile when I go off on a fly fishing trip. It isn’t a repellent, but
it doesn’t attract them either. Taking large doses of vitamin “B & C” is another thing that seems to have worked for me. Lore
has it that the vitamin will secret through you skin and the bugs don’t like the smell. If I know I am going to be out in buggy
territory I start taking heavy doses of those vitamins up to a month before I go.

This seems to have worked for me and it can make you pee interesting colors, as the excess vitamins flush out of your
system. You will want to keep that in mind before you go running to the Dr. because of your bright green eliminations. In
fact you should check with your Dr. before you take any pills (disclaimer). Hint#13 Stay dirty – Stay happy.

I use a bug repellent that is so full of deet it will melt the paint off my pick-up. This stuff is banned in 75 states and you can’t
legally carry it on an airplane, in a taxicab, or dispose of it in a landfill. But it keeps the bugs away. I was standing on the
Tobin Harbor Dock on Isle Royal one night shining a flashlight across the water. There were so many bugs it looked like a
blizzard in the flashlight beam. The only clear spot was around me. I could hold up my hand and it was like a halo of no-
bugs for 10 – 12 inches from my hand. This stuff really works. Use some common sense and keep it out of your eyes and
mouth, and wash your hands before you pee. Keep it off you fly lines. Lots of people say Deet is dangerous- I think Lymes
disease, and West Nile Virus are also dangerous and they won’t wash off. HINT# 14. DEET is Neet.

Lets Review:
1. If you don’t want to do it right then stay home.
Fly-fishing is a sport with tradition and heritage. Those items are as an important part of the sport as casting or bug lore. If
you don’t respect the civilizing elements of fly-fishing you shouldn’t be doing it. Gig frogs, play golf or tennis, or get into
Nintendo. There just isn’t enough room for anymore half assed fly fishermen. Thank you very much.

2. Get good quality instruction.
At the risk of being a shill for the pros, quality instruction, like quality equipment is worth the investment. It will provide basic
skills and confidence. Not to mention income the pros desperately need to get plastic surgery for their polo ponies.

3. Don’t Babble.
Everyone who needs to already understands how neat fly-fishing can be, or will soon figure it out as you did. You are not
the first and won’t be the last to make the discovery. Relax and enjoy it. There is no spiritual connection; it’s just a sport.

4. Remember the goods days – they will bring you back.
Every day fishing is a good day – a good day fishing is a true gift.

5. Good spots are hard to find – well-known spots are probably going to be crowed and over rated.
If you find a good spot – send me the information and keep your mouth shut.

6. Real fly fishermen don’t quit.
Obviously, in fly-fishing as in the rest of life, if you don’t stay with it you won’t succeed. Just as obviously if you have read
this you are no quitter.

7. Real fly fishermen don’t sink under the weight of their doodads.
You never really need as much stuff as they will sell you. Figure out what you use and that is probably all you need.

8. Do KNOT buy into a TIP that can LEAD you to a bad LINE.
I had to settle for a poor pun here. Get a book, or go to school and learn knots and leaders. It will help you catch and land
fish. Or so I am told.

9. You can build you own rods and have top line equipment for less.
CC Filson said - “Why not have the best”? Well? Why not? This is a chance to have great fly rods without a second
mortgage.

10. Try Bamboo!!!!
If you get a chance - do this. A good cane rod can make you smile. Catching fish with one can make you laugh out loud.
Not much better than that.

11. Always look gift hoppers in the mouth.
If the guy in the fly shop looks busy or pissed off and says something like they always hit the hoppers he may be blowing you
off. If they don’t think you are worth the real newz they will push you onto whatever they need to unload. I think this was the
marketing strategy behind the AMC pacer.

12. Get high – fish dry.
Dry fly fishing is the best. It makes you feel better and can cure hangovers. Your blood will run faster and backaches will
disappear. If I could bottle this stuff, Ben Gay would not be so happy.

13. Stay dirty and stay happy.
Nobody gives a rats ass what you smell like on the river. As long as you do not leave an oil slick you are probably ok.

14. Deet is neet.
Bugs can be bad. They are uncomfortable and might just carry diseases. Anything that keeps them away and will wash off
is good. Deet is neet.

Now the diatribe: There is always room for one more may not apply to all things, including fly-fishing. There are only so
many places to fly fish, and there are only so many trout to catch, and they are getting fewer each year relative to the
amount of people who want to catch them. As in the case with any sport (BASEBALL) the introduction of big money spells
big problems. There are already fly-fishing tournaments on TV. Fishing accesses and property are being bought up and
restricted to the privileged few with money. At the same time the pros are advertising and selling, selling, selling to an
expanding group of regular folks who are laboring under false expectations of what fly-fishing is about and what they can
take from it. Most of us have to compete for the water that is left after the affluent take what they want. That may sound like
class envy – so what! The problem is a lot of people competing for too few resources, and too many folks who what to make
a buck ahead of everything else. The business end of this sport is literally a monster and needs too much to survive. They
have to sell more than can reasonably be used. And we, the fly-fishing public, their customers, who have actually spawned
this debacle are trapped in the middle. I have been hoping (fantasizing) for years the growth in this sport will taper off and
the trendy folk will go back to mountain biking, gold mining, or whatever else is on the top ten of new and exciting. I think it is
not unlikely the sport will collapse on itself when it gets so big and money driven it just isn’t fun any longer (BASEBALL). The
mystical fog will blow away and the regular fly guys will inherit what’s left. Hopefully what’s left will be worth having. In the
meantime, just maybe we can help ourselves by managing expectations and denying the obvious falsehoods about the
karma and mystical values associated with fly-fishing. It doesn’t bring cosmic clarity any better than LSD; it won’t get you
through mid life crisis any better than a young secretary, a new convertible, or both; it doesn’t make you a better father or
husband any more than anything else that will keep you out of the house and away from your family for long periods. I
guess the real message is – if you want to fly-fish and have some fun doing it, come on in. If you are crazy, lazy, a jerk, or
need an emotional crutch; see your clergyman or set up a couple of months at the Betty Ford Clinic. Fly-fishing can’t fix you,
and we don’t need any more loons in the river. Thank you very much!!

(c) Copyright 2004